Mad Cow

Can't eat beef . . . Mad Cow!

Can't eat chicken . . . Bird Flu!

Can't eat eggs . . . Salmonella!

Can't eat pork . . . fears exist that Bird Flu infects hogs!

Can't eat fish . . . heavy metals in the waters have poisoned the fillet!

And you can't eat fruits and veggies . . . contaminated with insecticides and herbicides!

Hmmm!

That leaves only chocolate, but maybe chocolate is a vegetable. Let's reason this out:

Chocolate is derived from the cocoa beans that is found inside the fruit of the Cocoa Plant. But the bean is not a fruit. It's a seed. So we are still safe. Add sugar that is derived from sugar cane and not sugar beets, and you're still not eating a vegetable. . . or fruit either when eating chocolate. Thus, chocolate is not a meat, fish, fruit, or a vegetable.

"Yes!"

But chocolate used in candy bars contains milk, which is a dairy product. But Mad Cow is always referred to when eating beef and never when drinking milk.

So this all leads us to the conclusion that candy bars must be a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, but candy bars without these additives are safe for you to eat.

If you're now STRESSED about eating only candy bars, that's okay, too. Stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS. You're covered!