General Habits:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-Haul to the funeral.
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Fine Dining:
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with both your hands.
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Entertaining in Your Home:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners may be.
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Personal Hygiene:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, preferably using one's own truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days -- don't push it too far.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as they detract from a woman's jewelry and can even alter the taste of finger foods.
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Dating (outside the family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say "10:00 p.m." and others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
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Theater Etiquette:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
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Weddings:
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom at least, rent a tux. Simply wearing a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt will frequently create something of a tacky appearance.
4. Though admittedly uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
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Driving Etiquette:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun is loaded and the deer's in sight.
2. When approaching a 4-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires doesn't necessarily have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it's usually considered impolite to ask her to bring back beer, too.
5. Don't ever lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession